yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
