last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
