when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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