No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
