i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
this will be a night to untag.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
