TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
