I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It's official drugs can't kill me
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
