I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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