yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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