Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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