I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
NoShamevember. You game?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
