I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
