Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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