i wish semen tasted like chocolate
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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