Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
