Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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