Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
