He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
