That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
