and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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