My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
