I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
