Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
