cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
