I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
