had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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