A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
