i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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