you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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