Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
