Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
