i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
