highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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