and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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