brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
After last night, I could never be a politician.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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