what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
