Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize