this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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