I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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