its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
