She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
