We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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