it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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