I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
