it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize