i was born a porn star she said
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
