this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
