Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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