Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize