Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
