My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
