Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize