Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
