Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
