Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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