There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
