For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
