You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
