it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
