is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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