i just google imaged poop.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
