What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We have started to decorate penises.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
