I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
