she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
And then he peed in my hair
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