I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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