My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
there is puke in my bra ... again
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
