So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
