Your dad touched me again.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
