im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
