How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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