look no pants
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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