im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize
