Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
